something about you -5 for fighting

that is the only song that is singing in my head now.

spent my entire day..well almost,with Jason.went to school to meet him.
then we doodled time on at bishan and toa pa yoh before gg for his medical check up.it turns up to be a miscommunication.ah..whatever.
we stayed at Macritchie Reservoir for a while.the view is beautiful.

we walked off to his trainings ending with some stupid jokes.haha.
i spied him on his trainings but what the..he knew i was there.
it was a boring 2 and a half hours and so.yawns..should i know normal training is so boring,i wouldnt be bother to sit there till my arse goes numb.

but well...since im starting work soon,i wont be able to do these kinda things so might as well do everything that i can with him when i can afford the time.

oh..he asked me to stay over his hse to watch Euro Cup final with him on sunday.haha..how can i?although i guess its like a guy's wish to have his gf watching his fav impt soccer match with him.
sounds exciting but again..i dun think so la.
i dun like staying over and i wonder how will his mum really thinks.i love my own bed better.dun wanna wake up n let him see my real hair in the morning.
so no way~

yawns..

the birth of a relationship..

went to yng's place for a chat before tuition earlier on.

well...we talked about a birth of a new relationship b/w 2 friends(not really my friends) and a relationship that has gone so wrong now b/w another 2 friends.
i guess it's wise not to mention the name here.

well...me,so far substained a 1 yr 6 days relationship with Jason.and it is my first.well..im not trying to show off..come on,its nothing really.

what i wanna say instead is..that the maintaining of a serious relationship between 2 persons is really not easy.
there are bumps,hiccups and strong tidal waves that swept u off ur feet now and then.and it takes alot of courage,communication and faith to go on.

thus i gave kudos who are like married for decades and are still holding hands.

and when u passed each bumps,you learnt more about the other half..and at the end of the day,you learn about urself.

haha..anyway..yea,i gave my best wishes to that 2 who are kicking off a new chapter of their life.welcome to the club~;p

i came across this bk 'A Legacy to My Sons'
the author is a father and of coz the book is dedicated to his sons.a very easy to comprehend yet each word is so wise.all about a father's reflection of life and living.
he wrote this book starting of with:

"My Sons,

Papa spend very little time with both of you.i am sorry.
this book is dedicated to you.please read it carefully several times over.i wrote it after much heart-searching.it contains wisdom gained from both my failures and successes. i want you to avoid life's pitfalls.what i have failed to tell you in person,i write in this easy-reading form to provide you with the guidance to enjoy living......."

ah..i cant finish writing the whole of this letter.
but once in a while will quote from his beautiful saying.and whoever (even if noone) bump across this blog,may pick the wisdom of his words.

n so i end with one of his quote,

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW A WOMAN UNTIL AFTER FOUR YEARS OF COURTSHIP.

what can my hands do?

you know..often i wondered to myself that what can my hands do?
hands are a very useful part of of body and many pple just happened to have talents by their own pair of hands.

some are born with the flair of writing.i love reading Ms Crayon's blog.she is such a talented writer and everyone loves reading her blogs.
check this out urself.
http://abysmalcrayon.blogspot.com

some can easily whip a few delicacies with their hands.

some can draw very well.i like Vonny's doodle.she just need a pencil or pen in her hand and she could give you a very nice/cute doodle.

some simply use their hands to play musical instruments.its as if their hands have a rythmn on their own.like Jason,he picked up drums and guitar all by himself.

some hands can just do all sort of things.

and i seriously wonder what can mine do?
you know..other than typing right now,i dun figure any other talents of my hands.and not that typing is a talent,haha.

i cant draw well and i used to hate Arts in my younger days,coz i just cant draw as well.my hands have got no gift of music,never that flexible enough to play a instrument.but again,i never have e chance to learn.
i cant write beautiful sentences or bring stories to life.
i,haha,cant cook..although my dad was a cheif steward.well..maybe that is the reason as well.

often i stare at them(my hands) and wonder what can they really do,in terms of talents.

perhaps God planned me as a really ordinary person.i realy have no talents or special abilities that can make me stand out.
see..although i dun go off tune,but am no singer as well.
although im no grades crusher in school,but am never among the top as well.
although im not the really plain janes around(no offence),but really never the hot thang on the streets.

its almost like being scripted in my life that although im not the worst,but is not the best either.

sigh...Jason is like the Jack of all Trades.he can do anything in everything(almost)but he claims that he cant hit the peak in any one area.
sure he can sing,but he is not the best singer.
sure he can play,but all are done at the intermediate stage.
sure he can draw,but he is not a artist.
sure he can write,but he is not a author.
sure he can cook(well...),but he is no chef.
sure he can kicks,but he is stuck as a semi professional player.

it may all sound similar between me n him,but it is totally not the same.
all i see is..if Jason is given a chance to venture further in any of the aspects mentioned..he can be among the top achiever.but somehow..right now,his life is like limited to a certain stage in any category.

whereas for me..really...even if i am given a chance,i can only work really hard to make up for it and still may not be among the top.

its not exactly that im upset..but i am not,erm...,i just feel un-just,u know..if there is gonna be my life.

im pretty sure everyone is unique in their own way and have a reason coming to this earth.so im like..really pondering and wanting to find up in what way,if any,am i unique or talented and so on..

its like..finding up what can you do in this life,coz u only live once.
i dun wanna let this one life be like..this.so not very exciting.
if we still exist after our death,but in other forms perhaps..like souls?i dun wanna the Almighty to question me,"so...what have you done in your life?" and i cant answered to that.
i could almost see that he will then shake his head,sigh deeply and walked away.

haha..sigh..

i wonder if pple come across thinking about all these craps,or am i the only one.

after the tears..its happy ending again ^.^

today..i say i put up 2 strong interviews with 2 individual interviewers..but i chose none.
i expect there would be alot of unknown numbers calling me for the next few days but i have already chose one.
yea..i cant believe im picking up a HR job though yea..i major in HRE.but really..i dun like HR.

not gonna blah on the reasons here la..anyway im starting 13th July,yea..a day after i turn 20.
Amen!

and yes..i shld be glad coz im over the stage of the sickening emailing,answering unknown numbers,gg sickening interviews,waiting for calls and so on.
if you havent been through that,i tell u its SICK!!!

and once you get started,u just have to keep driving till u get a job..no matter how tired u r.cos u probably feel so sick n useless sitting at home too.

yea yea..im talking like im one experience nut..yea..but this mth,other than the 23rd,is one hell of a time for me.never felt sicker.

and me being a 'hum-bao'(cry baby) since young..is still as hum bao as ever;p
but really glad me n jason talk abt it.

the future is unknown yet..but hope we can make it thru.

of coz..as usual..i had my friends (and family)to thank.
dearest pretty pre pre pre pret~hehe..its time for u to get a job liao la..n rem..treat me wor..(hint hint..JB secret trip)
n yes..Daren bro..that sweet guy..i dun have to add more from here.

and yea..finally..jason's latest email to me.^^
just quote one part:

"u know,i see couples get married sooo often,n it would only be normal if i get tired of all the weddings...but u know wat,i began to smile when the sweet moments of a wedding happens...the solemisations,exchange of vows,cake cutting...etc...coz i just always thought...gee...could that b me n ling...?hahaha...perhaps this is also wat drives me on my quest for more things...i woun't say it's "career" for now,but the chance to make the best out of my youth...n wih the money i make, achieve the many dreams i have,many of which r with u...like zipping ard town all day in my own car,going supermarket shopping with a push cart n dumping everything we like into it without having to check the price,going on a holiday together,have a real nice house...etc...i know u dun really mind not ahving all these...but hey,wouldn't it be great if we can do all these? i really not only want all these for myseld,but more importantly,us."

Gd night peeps~~~~
Cheerios~

his emails...

hey i was reading the first email that Jason mailed to me and i came across this sentence.thought it is rather interesting as well as a remainder to him.
this is what he wrote.
"as for me...i hope u'll understand abt my football thingy...football is part of my life,even though i might not like 2 play football as much as b4, it's my livelihood n only source of income now...so i'll have to give alot of time to my club as well...otherwise they are gonna cut my pay!lolx...but on a serious note, i realli hope this will not in any way disrupt our relationship...i've seen my team mates do it b4, n i believe we can do it too...abt my relationship habits...i guess there's not much...just that i believe in doing little things 2gede sometimes...like spending sometime 2 realx at drinks, doing a little homework blah blah blah once in awhile, as it can help streghten relationship... perhaps we can try"

ahem...

you know...once in a while..this strong admiration of feeling so in love with Jason just ..erm..over covered me.and lately...i really like just looking at him.and becos of his ulcer on his tongue(poor thing..) he couldnt smile much.
and sometimes i think he look rather good when he is more solemn.;p
and his high cheekbones is so...i dunno..maybe all along i think so,but only came to realise that lately..that makes his face really..erm..haha..i dunno.
maybe it look alot better when he is more solemn or serious looking.

and..yea..on the down side...i dunno if im e only one feeling so.but sometimes...is it the more in love you fell with someone..the sense of insecurity could escalate as well?

below is quote from Jason's second email to me.
" just wanna let u know that having enter this probation, i have absolutely no regrets, as it signifies that i'm getting a precious chance from u....i hope u'll have no regrets too...let's hope that we can make it thru this journey hand in hand together...eh?"

third email.
"ya...ok...hey...know wat...i think email is a realli gd way for us to express our thoughts...ya? y not we'll use email to say wat ever we wanted to tell each other but can't open our mouth on...esp if i happen to make u unhappy over certain things,u can let me know here"

there are a few emails about him asking me to be free and let him know about any change of plans,becoz that silly boy is cracking his head to plan my 19th bday.when the night before my bday,we had already kissed.;p

next email replied when i first mailed him telling him i miss him.
"dearest ling...
hehe...i can't describe how good i feel now...i felt so good it's almost becoming cocky...lolx...because, i'm just so glad to see that, we are moving in the right direction... u know wat...i was so inspired after i read ur mail that, just now, for my match, i played so well that i almost wasn't myself. A soccer TV show host was in my team, and after my superlative performance bailed them out of an embarrassing defeat, he came up to me and say...hey mate, that was world class. This was how possessed i was. and it's all because of...you.
i always say i miss u not only because i realli do, but also coz i know 1 day u miss me as well.
i always say i love u not only because i realli meant it, but also because i'm sure u will one day too.
and i think the day has come...or at least realli close"

and the first time i called him to tell him i love him.well thats like doing something in an impulse..a sudden rush of blood to the head.and his reply....
"i remember i heard this saying, that in a courtship, when ur target guy/gal finally says "i love u" to u, it's not the end of the courtship, but the beginnning of something wonderful...u know wat,aft u called me n tell me that 3 letter magic word, i become spellbound...i bash gashing...so excited...i don't even know what to do next...

dear...remember how we started? u weren't even sure it was right thing to do... i felt as if i'm kinda "forcing" u into the relationship with the things i do...but, i always believed... that 1 day, u will love me...

however, dear, i wanna assure u that, saying that u love me hasn't bound urself into forever-ness. u haven't signed a contract to tie urself into a no-turning back relation with me....it was just u telling me how u felt...it's a emotional stuff...not contractual... we're not married...so i have no right to tie u down anyway... rest assure that this does not mean ani doom...but, think that, it signifies something beautiful..."

and when something very serious happened on our 4th month...and when i really wanna give up our relationship,he said..

"Ling,
i feel sad...
but to tell u the truth, i have never thought abt giving up...

u might already be getting tired of hearing this...

but I WILL FIGHT ON THIS BATTLE WITH YOU!

i know i can't brainwash u...but if i can help u slowly forgot him, n ease ur pain, i'll do it...

simply because,

I LOVE U

i have already tired so hard all along to help u...n it'll be a waste if we give it up half way...

we've only been together for only 4 mths...it's not long eh? we've still got 4 yrs at least to go...dun say u wanna give up now...coz i never do..."

hehe...till our first serious disagreement on the 7th month..

"when i feel that u think wrongly, i cannot take that n got angry...i've nv been so angry when i'm w u...but i've cool dwn,i hope u will too...Sorry for the blew up.

Love,
Big Pig"

now that WAS the LAST email i ever gotten from him...sigh..despite i have tried mailing him..saying simple things like i miss him and so..no replys.

you know...as hard as im trying to be strong and hopefully independent,but its a big struggle.coz inside im always feeling very scared on my own.and seeing that he is getting very busy,and should one day i gotten a job..our time will be so...little.

i kept telling myself that it is alright and yea,just keep moving on.
but again...i wish i can do something to stop time..or at least slow down time whenever we are together.

we dun get to date every other day like before,and each date comes very precious to me.at times..we only can meet once a week only.

maybe we cant do anything to change that..things come as it is and we gotta accept and fit to that.but..i will be really thankful for every small act he does..to show he did not forget what he said in the first place.
doing lil things together...i wouldnt mind a 5 min call,a short email and so.

today i realise...even though im happy to see him and spend that few hours with him before he went to work...i dunno if he catch that glimpse of saddness in my eyes.
yea..of coz that stupid boy wouldnt know why i keep like.."staring" at him la.

sigh..alot of times...alot of things..i wish it happened to me or i have them,i dun..no matter how hard i prayed for it.
jobs i like...things i like to have and do...pple i really like alot and so on.

so this time...no matter what..i just keep an open mind,dun wanna pray for its ownership and so on..
and to relate this to Jason..

i dun wanna pray that we will be together forever cos we cant outwit or outfight what time can do to us.but as long as we are together...i just...i dunno if i dare to hope and pray anymore..but i hope that..he hasnt forget and will not forget how and what he wanted in this relationship,as long as this love remains.

coz im really scare that...his committments with other things..will slowly take him away from me one day.

dun worry dear..im not crying,coz yea..im trying to be strong..on my own.:)

just take care and i miss u.

dun say die...

just dropping a sudden thought.

you know...i am not a very optimistic person..i tend to stick to reality than thinking of the best.
and yes...i really do not dare to wish for the good things to happen and so on,coz often the things i wish doesnt come my way.
im relating this to the job interviews as of now.
yea..i wouldnt dare to hope which company picks me..but i just hope to be able to settle down on a company soon,coz its really tiring.

and..and...i dunno..i am starting to learn..no matter how many hurdles and setbacks there are in my life,i must not stop and laments about it.

coz right now..i see my life is gonna kick start a new chapter pretty soon.im gonna leave my comfort zone and step into what they called the jungle as soon as i have got a job.
yes..i cant deny and choose to give up that responsibility of my family that's landing on me.
i cant not NOT accept the fact that Jason is not gonna have a lot of time for me too,and i cant rely on him for everything.

sad as i may be..reluctant as i may be..but i have only got this one life.after this life..im not gonna exist in this world again.whoever knows about having next life or going to heaven or hell...i just know..after this life...everything..every memories and so..will be gone.

im like..what going to hit 20 in days to come.every single day is running so fast and i cant stop them from slipping away from me.

no matter how scare and sad and whatever negative feelings im suffering from..it is not a reason to stop me from moving on to the next day,without having today done with something.

you see what i mean...im kinda getting upset about gg to bed each time with a heavy heart..thinking another day is lost and i have done nothing significant.

i really wanna go to bed with the thought of i have gained another day and yes..a day well spend.

and since i cant change the country im staying,i cant do the jobs i have been wanting to do...but i shall make use to everything that comes in my way..and hopefully there is a chance in life,and im not too old yet to do what i have been wanting to do..
i hope..

this is not easy..especially for a person like me.it takes ten times the courage of a normal optimistic person for me to conquer every negative thoughts and move on.

yes..i wanna thanks my friends from here.
i dunno if Daren brother has been reading,but he has been someone gr8.
and my pretty pre pre pret-Yng..she has been my counselor for the past few years and yea,she is still working.;p
my other friends,though they are not reading..its just feel nice to know how they are doing,and let me know im never alone.
and my family..like i have always say..tehy are the reason that im working hard.

im writing this to everyone,even though they are not reading it..is becoz..well..we can never be too sure if there is a tomorrow in our lives,so just to say..if my tomorrow never meets with yours..i hope this messages can be pass to them and let them know that im thankful to know them in this life.

finally but never too late..is jason.i admit..i am able to go on becoz he is the one who provides me with such strength.
te' amo.

just to add on...

and to Jason..n if u still read this..i really hope u learn to respond to my insecurities sometimes thru small acts like calling me,asking how im doing,dating me n so..since we r already NOT able to meet that often,without me always have to remind you n make me sound so demanding.

often it makes me wonder have i grow to be demanding,or u r just slipping in the comfort of our relationship n 'forget' how u set up to b when we first started.

and now..i wonder how many gals feel the same?

well..tell me what to do.

just went for the interview at Changi Airport.
conclusions...
company is expected to grow but its at the beginning of the growth.that only means..they still have a long way to go.
and if i were to join them at this stage..sure potential of growth..but it does means i have to help them to grow.by the time they really get on the path,i probably will not be there or be old already.

but the interview was ok la..at least i show them what they want.the attitude and all,say i was a good actress then.and i some sort of see my chance in getting that position.

drawbacks?the distance!damn..i sit till my ass is sore.and gg to teach tuition will be a lil problematic..And yea..i have mentioned earlier on..its still a 'baby' company.

anyway..will be going to another 3 more..and i hope by Tuesday,i would have at least a ship to settle on.
im very sick of this interviewing life.and i thought perhaps im just u know,useless and complainsome..thinking its tiring and all.
but at least..now i know im not alone.

its really psychologically very very exhausting,and of coz..physically wise too.its really not that easy..like...canoeing on ur own.

and alot of times..i really wish that jason is by my side.not that he is not,but i mean...physically there and so.of coz he tries his best to be with me,but i cant ask him to go with me on my every interviews.firstly..its very tiring for him.secondly..this is my interview..not his.

so each time..i wish he is really there with me,i just tell myself.."stop being childish and that useless..you gotta get use to this and will soon learn to be on ur own too." and i sealed this thought with a secret sigh.

i really wish i have more time with him..throughout this month,i have been gg to interviews after interviews..and he is so busy with Elken and trainings especially.

say if everything is successful..and i start working on July..how would we ever have the time for nice proper dates?we WILL NOT have times..even lesser time when i start working.

i really wanna cry each time i think of this..its like so depressing and i couldnt have to despair.
i dunno how i get so useless on my own..but jason now is like..pretty much someone i wanna be with all the time.i just feel so insecure on my own.

and i really ought to spank myself for getting like this..coz given such situation..how would i able to survive on my own next time.

and so..i just tell myself to get use to this..and learn to accept that is the fact.

sigh...now..i just wish everything ends by this wednesday or tuesday better.have a company to settle down on.and really enjoy my remaining last week with him..well..that is to say i have got a job by this week.

i dare not crossed my fingers nor pray hard..coz..each time i do that..somehow it never work.

im all about you

well..thats the song playing on my winamp now,by that whinny voice Aaron Carter.nevertheless not a really bad song.

sigh...i need a damn good relaxing massage,to relax every single nerves in my body AND perhaps a good week vacation.away from this stupid singapore.

unfortunately...its not gonna come true in the near future.

'That CD shop' called to reject me...sigh..am i not pretty enough for ur shop?
i got kinda upset and really wanna cry..coz im so sick of all these nonsense.
i really really wanna get away from all these for a good time.im so not ready to get settle down in an office and learn to deal with the corporate shit.
i really wanna do something i like but those jobs doesnt come to me.
rejection is tough to face!

but i can feel the tension given by my parents already.im pretty sure that they are not counting on my big brother.my father had enough of that job and now is not working.but again..he is hitting retirement,he cant really work..for another 2 years.i would say..he is at the most gonna push himself for another year or so.and i cant let my mum work there anymore.
so everything and everything and everything fall on ME.

maybe im timid and useless...i really dun like and is very scare to face that kinda big burden.i dunno how am i gonna do that alone?so im so hurrying for a job,going to try all the jobs even though i know i will not be interested in working there.im faking a personality thats good enough and hopefully to ace that interview each time.i am almost..baring myself to face all that im gonna face.
and im so scare...

im not scare of working..but my heart is not settle in there yet.but if that is what i have to face eventually,im not scare.
im only scare of...i dunno..i dun like to use the word 'burden' coz i dun view my family as burden.
maybe its that responsibility.

a responsibility to carry on..im taking over my parents when im settle for a job.im gonna be that hope to my parents and at least something for them to be proud of.my paternal relatives is one thing i have to struggle with.
ya..they are all richer than us,produces kids faring better than us and so on.i dun feel justified.

sometimes..im so scare that i wish im alone in a secluded island,so i can cry out loud.be who i am inside..that timid and so afraid of everything me,and cry.

i dun wanna share this with my family.coz my parents always see me as a sensible stuborn gal,they trust me that i will be someone capable on my own.i dun tell my lil brother coz he is too young to share with me,and he wouldnt understand.further more i should be the one he look up to..someday,i hope.
just skip my elder brother,he is also the reason that i have to push myself like this.

i dun feel pitiful,you know.and i dun like to be.oh yes..i would love someone to protect me from all that..but that does not help anything.cos those are the things im gonna face.and i know..in this world,im so fortunate and blessed.

and upon thinking of that..i know i have to go on and it doesnt help to stop.
just how much i can keep pushing is another issue.

jason helps alot..he gave me alot of strength,but at the same time let me knows how vulnerable i am.
he is one of my source of strength in life.

but that is one vital minus point,if it is a plus pt now.what i mean is..should one day i lost him...i would not be able to stand on my own for good.

i can easily encourage pple to move on,but the same words never work for me.

so i view this period of tough time as a training for me..to become someone stronger and tougher.
alot of times...its thru hardships that build up a person.
so its often those poorer kids that suffer from hardship since young, grow up to be someone that can stand on his/her own.

i guess...in this pt..God is fair.

ramble on....

you know..staying over at where im staying now is somewhat quite an unfavorable location for jobs.
like all the companies have move to the west areas.sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!

and whats more suckier is that damn big brother of mine dare to critisize me for being choosy in job!what the really fuck!
he came in telling me an job offer by agency,calling for several cust svc positions,with 6 weeks compulsory training.
i simply told him im not interested.judging by the 'several cust svc positions', i have an rough idea what kinda positions the company is looking up for,let alone its an agency.
and fuck!he told me off,saying im choosy,thinking that im capable and so.and that with this attitude of mine,i need at least a year to get a job,while he only need 3 months.
fuck!who the hell he thinks he is.3 months?yea..coz he probably only stay in the company for like 1 month the longest.

while over here,i have several dilemma cases to knock on my own..that fucker just rubs salt to it.

i know its very rude of me to cuss my own brother like this,but i have been tolerating him for like...the longest time.

i very much wanna turn to jason for some advices right now,but guess he isnt very free...besides..perhaps i have to stand on my own.

anyway i went to the interview mentioned earlier on.as speculated,it was 'That CD shop'.
now that is one shop i would LOVE to be in.plus the pay is delicious.imagine $1800 per month,plus incentives and so.
although its long hours,working on weekends and public hols.but its a 5 days work week,which made it possible for me to teach tuition anyway.
it was not so much of an interview.i just went there,fill in the form and sat down to listen to the beautiful lady breifing me the job description..ta da..end.
um..i would love to get that though.wonderful place..i love those kinda music they played there.
hope to hear from them by monday...now..God..please!grant me a favour...

say..if i got that job..other than the retail working hours that is an minus pt,but..again..i dun have to be in a sickening office.i get the music i love.i get that kinda money thats enough to give at least $200 allowances to my parents monthly.i still get to teach tuition on my 2 off weekdays.
sigh...i dunno..God,please?

i have casually run through my list of companies that called me down for interviews and so on since June.
make that 16 companies.
2 failed.
2 no news yet.
2 got rejected by yours truely.
2 that i did not turn up for.
1 pending.well..thats the CD shop
2 duno wanna go or not.unfavorable locations.
1 yet to go.

umm..im thinking abt the 2 unfavorable locations.one is at Bt Merah..well..thats the one calling for a Marketing Executive,just a outdoor sales person.and its not really of my interest and perhaps..calibre,i deem.
the other is HR asst working at Changi Airport.
well..it could have been a gd learning pt for HR,if not for it is only a 12 mths contract.
it seems from their tone on the phone today that it is strictly a year contract only.

should i spend 12 months earning $1300,before CPF.that means i have to start from scratch when the contract ends?oh god..

now that i put it down in words..i think its a battle b/w planning for the long term and the short term.

i do not want to do things for the short term..but my current needs need to be fulfil fast.i cant like..drag it on and on,like now im doing.
but the calling for the long term does not come immediately.like im forever put on list,waiting to be hired or not.
each day is much important to me.
i dun wanna sit by day after day...feeling useless and really,i havent been getting a decent night of sleep.

i sleep lightly with the thoughts of looking for work hanging on my mind.i woke up feeling heavy,that another day of hunting has to begin.i went to sleep feeling rather sad..that another day of my life ended,and feel that i did nothing.
i feel really...tired,gg for interviews after interviews..when really those are not the jobs i wanted to do in life,but i have no choice.
i feel really..upset that my life is to be stereotyped,when that is what i hated most.
i wish that there is one thing that im doing outta pure interest.

like Jason went for training coz soccer is like one part of him.he went for elken coz elken fits to his beliefs and philosophy of doing sales or so.

i never persue diploma in Biz mgmt coz i like it.i never choose to major in HR coz that is where i wanna head.i never look for the jobs that i do now coz i wanna see myself working in those lines.
so far in this life...i have yet to rem doing something or gg way up to get that something becoz i like.

i study for my parents coz i want them to have a child to at least produces decent grades in school.the only reason that im pushing myself to get a job is becoz i want my parents to stop worrying for them,and that it would be my turn to give them allowances and so.

was i happy?
no wonder i cant remember smiling from the heart even when my grades are pretty alright.no wonder i have to laugh at myself thinking my interviews and so called inspirations are so fake.

but i cant stop at where i am,can i?my shoulders feel so heavy..alot of times i feel comforted that my father said he dun want to pressurise me.but that just prompts me not to stop at where i am.

but i am not happy..mich is not happy since young.she never gets what she really wanted in her heart..but has to go on.

at least..for me...jason is here.he encourages me alot,tries to keep me on the sun.
i know staying on the low will only waste my life.staying here,being sad,thinking of what i cant have and so on..is more life awasting.

so no matter what kinda shit hole i am in,i know im never in the shitiest hole of all.and i know only by taking things in my stride and move on,i will eventually move on.
maybe to another kinda shit hole..but i dun think it will be as shity as the previous one.
haha..what shit?

nevertheless...im still very much looking fwd to 'That CD shop' calling.was a regret that i did not ask much questions,but again..it wasnt much an interview.

oh God..i cannot stuck at this point forever.i need to board a ship already and move on.pls...help me,pls??

/\/\{ch needs more strength on her own!

Well...lets start with our date with lil'phia yesterday.

erm...i would say 2 is a pair and 3 is a crowd.haha.
somehow with a kid tagging along...your energy depletion is twice as fast as compared to normal times.

i was very different with Sophia ard,at least i feel i were.
and it makes me see that when im with Jason alone,sometimes i am like a kiddo with him.childish and all.
which is yea,very funny.

well..lil phia is a very very adorable gal.she just laughs and talks non stop.and yes..she has a very good character.when she wanted to buy things,she thinks of her siblings and wanted them to have a fair share as well.

we took photos together,and i must say lil'phia is very photogenic.Jason and i think that she will grow up to be a beautiful lady next time.:)

time really flies then.it was like we just brought her out in the day,then it was night when we sent her back to the place we took off.

its amazing as well..that no matter how tiring it was in the day,but it seems all worth it by the end of the day.love to see her falling asleep.
i wonder if that is how parents felt?
haha~*shakes head*

and Jason and i spent some time talking last night.learnt more about his own family and so.
ok..i gotta run first..gg to interview.
cont'd later.

love love love

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

==================================================================
What Do You Want in a Man?




Romance | Maturity | Lifestyle | Looks




less romantic more romantic


Romance
Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




less important more important


Maturity
Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy — someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? — should know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




less important more important


Lifestyle
Some people say love is a journey of the heart. So if you're traveling anyway, why take coach when you can go first class? It sounds like you have some very clear financial expectations for your ideal relationship. Money is an important aspect of romance for you, probably because of the leisure and opportunities it offers. (One guy with a bank account that might live up to your expectations is David Hyde Pierce's character, Niles, on "Frasier.") There's no doubt that a luxurious lifestyle is tons of fun, but we hope it doesn't become the most important aspect of your relationship. We all dream about a fairy-tale love affair (complete with a castle), but it's important to stay within the limits of reality. Based on your answers, you should recognize and respect your desires, but if you meet Mr. Right, don't let anything get in the way of true love, even an itty bitty bank balance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




less important more important


Looks
You may not judge a book entirely by its cover, but you definitely like the cute ones. (Who doesn't?!) You might consider someone who's a little less than gorgeous, but you generally tend to seek out very handsome men who can really turn heads. Matt Damon? Noah Wyle? Right up your alley. But if need be, you're willing to place personality and chemistry before a pretty face and a hot body. Nevertheless, your answers reveal that you take pride in your man's appearance and get a thrill out of watching others gawk at him. You're impressed by looks, and you definitely set your standards high when it comes to physical appearance. Still, you also realize that beauty may be only skin deep and that an average-looking guy with tons of charm might be your perfect match in every other way!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

damnit

oh yes..guess what now?
dear Joanne aka Lia and whatever just replied back a mail saying,

"Thanks!
Lia"

my first respone?
Damnit!

i know i am rude and jason may not completely like me being rude to someone who is close to him before.
but really damnit.

i mean she could possibly do something more than
Thanks!and why must there by an exclaimation mark?
yea..for all i rem,my tone in the mail is still as CS style as ever.i mean..cust svc.

oh whatever~cuss mich!

the weather is so annoyingly warm

guess what i did?i just respond to Joanne(yes..Jason..ur previously dear Joanne aka Lia aka Bunny aka Shasha and alot more..wonder why she has that many nicks) erm..oh yea..survey email.

guess she is gonna kick up a biz on her own..a cafe..how nice.
i mean..thru Jason i know she is that damn rich..perhaps wouldnt need to hunt for jobs like i have to.

you know...i really would love to set up a cafe too.its been in my wish list for years.a cafe,comfortable zen-ish ambience,dim lited,velvet coloured walls,offering all sort of foods thats only availiable in other countries like anzac biscuits..flat white..etc.
playing those kinda songs that's only played in 'That CD shop',perhaps a reading corner with big bean bags laid there.
etc etc.you ask me,you got it.

and yes..i respond to her,not knowing why i did that.

honestly i have to admit that i did not did that out of erm..pure friendship gesture or just trying to help her.
i respond to her becos she is the gal that knocked down Jason's heart and soul previously.

i know i sound so completely dumb,jealous and petty la.but again..i cant really help.if its just any other gals,i wouldnt give a damn.

but i did NOT did that becos of any ill intentions.i habour none.
i hope to hear this is very normal of me becos im only trying to find up more abt this gal whom captivated jason.

but again..it doesnt take very much for that stupid boy to fall in love. -_-

ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!
tomorrow we are gonna bring Sophia out~
never try bringing a kid out together so i hope it would be enjoyable and memorable.

yes..hope tml weather would be super fine.(unlikely though) and lil' sophie would enjoy her day.

and Jason~you will have a taste of being my hubby for a day tml.
lol.

cant wait till the 23rd!!!

not only this 23rd is our official 11 months together,but really this coming month anniversary is gonna be really different^^!
we r going to bring one of his adorable,really adorable cousin-Sophia along!

boy,im so excited upon receiving his sms.we are gonna bring a really adorable young kiddo along with us in a date.
i think this would be really fresh and wow..new.

anyway...cant wait till wednesday..hurry up.

dun think i wanna spend time blogging abt my interview today.
lets just end it as its really a LONG~~interview.
yawns..

gonna start the whole tuitioning session with dear Junhan again.hope this semester,he will really buck up.

and yea,wanna thanks my dear for being so encouraging and loving.thanks for waking up early to accompany me to interviews,though u are late.
i wasnt angry when u were late by 20 mins this morning,but since you looked so sorry..i decided to let that look linger on for a while.hehe;p

but really..you better sharpen ur time mgmt skills.
since you are free at home tml..why not just plan on our date with lil' sophia huh?

my agenda...i wanna take photos~

i miss him

i dunno why but i really miss Jason alot.
i realise how fortunate it is to be with someone who understands you,loves you and really just stand by you all the time.
i realise how nice it is to be love by someone so true.
i realise how wonderful Jason is,for someone who is willing to take all my nonsenses for a year and more.
and i realise no matter what kinda decisions i made,he is the one that that i made decisions for.

i know how stupid i can get,how much i hurt him,how much i made him gets irritated and fed up inside and so on.

i know how controlling i can be on his choice of diet to his dressings,how demanding i can be,and how just so nonsensical i can get.

but i know that this stupid fella just came willingly to my world,and protects me from anything that im scare of.

and i really hope that he will call me tonight,anytime,just to tell me that 3 *magic* words.

so sick of me

im really very sick of myself sometimes.
sigh..i hate to graduate.
its so damn useless bumping at home.
yes im looking very hard for jobs,trying to ace the interview so i can earn my own money.
but im so sick and tired of looking through the papers,sending in resumes for jobs that im NEVER interested in.

seriously i feel like not moving on,but again i CANNOT not move on.this month seem to pass on fast,and im still stuck jobless!
man..i feel absolutely so lousy whenever i think of this.

maybe i should just consider taking up any childhood or NIE related courses,coz that is the only area,so far,that i find myself interested to work in.

you think i like handling admin work,handling customers' complaints,dealing HR admin work when these are e only few jobs i can venture in as a fresh graduate.

im kinda tired of gg to one interview after the other,when im not the eventual one that they will be selecting.
as lousy as i maybe right now...i guess i had no choice but keep doing what i can do to bring my parents some hope.

when can i lead a life i want my life to be?
here in Singapore?i doubt so!

i painted the playground red the other night.

before i went on to describe how's the meeting with Jason's family last night.lemme take a few paragraph to cuss a little.

this morning i went for an interview,waking up early when i slept late the night before.
yea..i wanna thanks my dearest uncle Kevin for always being there when i need a drive.
anyway it was an agency without informing me,until i asked them,"so this is an agency?" "yes" was her rather simple reply.
and she just spend the whole so called interview asking me to describe my previous two working experiences!and told me where is the place for interview on Monday.
realy basket!might as well just tell me over the phone right?
what a waste of my time.
cuss cuss~
------------------------------------------------------------------

AnyWay~~
back to my encounter with his family last night.
got in my new Zara red top and jeans,tugging my hair trying to look my best.wasnt really scared till i was drawing near.
its so ..funny,funny that im so like..freaking up.
i felt really dumb intitially.
considering i dun really talk to all the aunties and his mother.
i was half wishing i wasnt there.

but guess what...my night begins when the most adorable cousin of his greeted me first.her name is Charmine,absolutely cute,pretty and very well mannered.i really like that gal alot.so adorable!!

he has alot of cousins all at primary school ages,and a few toddlers.
i guess his favourite is the 1 year old toddler-Hong Hong.that kiddo sure knows how to drink softdrink.
i wouldnt encourage my kid to be that softdrink addicted,but he is cute la.
and so he carried him and i was feeding him the pepsi lemon.i dunno if any eyes were on us,but i feel very...hehe..i dunno how to say,but i like that feeling.
and his mum came by..;p
we carried that kid to the playground,and that is when all the cousins came flocking to me.
i would say all of them are very nice and adorable kids.and they really dun mind 'stranger' like me.
well Sophia is really cute as well.she hangs out with Charmine.

there's this instance she hugged me,and Jason's mum came laughing about it.
i spent the rest of the time playing with them till it was time for them to go home.
Charmine came telling me..i couldnt really remember,but was something that she is really happy to see me tonight.and she kissed me good bye.
awww...that is my kinda gal..that i wanna have.
ten thumbs up are not enough to praise her.

i love it when jason and i were playing with the kids.it is just a very warm feeling,wishing that one day it would be really..erm..*blush* our turn.ok..lets just end it that way.

Jason is somewhat popular among his aunties,and of coz those cousins.:)
somewhat..somehow..
i feel so blessed to have him.

oh yes..Jason..next time if you come my house,greet my mum louder,coz my mum thought you did not greet her.haha.

Bloody Relatives from the other end of the world!

ok...i dun really mean that coz not that they really did something bad to me..but again YES!

they(my dad's sisters) have been my pride and ego deflator since i was young and know mother earth.

yes..they produce SMART offsprings.all scholarships holders and attend their lessons at prestigeous school.unlike me..never scored any scholarships,always stuck in the neighbourhood schools,and yes..NOT a JC or planning to step my foot in a UNI student.
in their minds,of coz Junior Colleges kids surpass Polytechnic kids anytime.which i think...my foot!
JC kids only know how to study like dead.and Poly..ok not that we dun study like dead but we do pick a few relavent things in the society now and then.
Grrrl!

im the smarter and more sensible cum independent one among my 2 brothers,so im like fighting very hard for my parents.yes..its becoz of them that im fighting so hard for.
but i can never outwit the cousins of coz.not that i care.
cos..they have the brains,while i take the looks and a widdle bit of the brains.*opps*
kidding.

ok let bygones be bygones.
this MORNING~

i woke up,as usual messy and messy,having the fried beehoon(euuch..but no choice..dad bought it) and sitting infront of the computer searching for the locations for interviews.
what the fish..by all the bad luck summon to me,2 of my aunties pop by.
lucky the most irritating one did not come..yet?pls..no!!

they pop in caught me in the mess,and ask what im doing.
so they knew i was looking for a job,they immediately offered to call their hubbies to look for a position in where their husbands are working.
yea..nice aunties,but THANKS ALOT!

pls..i AM NOT that PATHETIC yet!!i dun need ur kind offers and i VERY much rather be working on my own,despite any distances.

then..one of them pop in and ask if i sleep alone in my room.uh huh..den she said my room is UNTIDY!!!!!WHAT e F-ISH!
Get lost..AUNTIES~~.

and she told me i should apply earlier for NIE coz one of my cousins received scholarship for that already!

ARGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!

do i need her to remind me..yes..they are all brainy fellas!
what the F-ish!
pls..if im granted a wish right now..i pray i wont see them for the next century or so.
of coz my mum dun likes them.who ask they are my dad's sis.

thats it!if they are not gonna leave.thou shalt take my leave.seek refuge in my sis's house.
sorry daddy..this fri,im gonna leave u at home.
sucks..this thought aches.

Jason really looks kinda cute today..

well..with his new haircut,and the way he comb it.hehe.
seldom praise him,but really cant help to sneak glances at him today.
gosh..whats wrong with me. @_@?
haha.

went to Queenstown to get his brother's gift..a pair of soccerboots which he always wanted.well.they can share though.
we went to Orchard later.was kinda tired when we were there,so we rest for a while before heading home.

i decided that he should pay a visit to my mum at least,since the last time.
and so he did..perform..that..erm..'kua-sha'.whatever la..but its kinda nice to have that massage la.

well..tml is my turn.um..am i nervous?no?but think it will be kinda weird for me.coz..im only there to eat?

anyway..NO BAD HAIR DAY tomorrow!that is the worst thing that can happen to a gal on such a important day.

well..guess thats about it.

a life time

a smoothing song.nice to play in a cafe while you are sipping that cuppa,and perhaps reading something.
hmm..wanna be at that Mccafe at Lido now.

im in a hurry to get a job,though there is no pressure from my parents.but ironically its for them that im pressuring to get a job.

im like 20 already.i dunno how long can i sit here and watch my life goes by without any meaning.
i really wanna go overseas..see the lives beyond this sick island.
i wouldnt mind if im somewhere like Africa,perhaps the innocence of the pple there surpass a 3 years old kid here.

am i bound to stay here all my life.working for the sake of working,living without much meaning.

i tried to be as optimistic as i can,anyway life is too short to stop for anything.
but..i just wish i can see more of what im seeing now..or just say i would like to see as much as i can while im still living this life.
whoever knows about if there's something else after death.
*shivers*

you know..dun you wish sometimes you have those one of a kind romance.like those in Romeo and Juliet,Robinhood etc.
was listening to Bryan Adams now.
perhaps those kinda love...maybe be short but it's enough to last you for a lifetime.it may be sad but again,its one that you wouldnt trade for any kinda of other love.

who doesnt wish for a lifetime love..but really,a lifetime love doesnt mean you have to be with that person for a lifetime.
for a lifetime partner doesnt necessarily means its a lifetime love.

haha..guess im bull shiting again.

*deep breathe...*

i wonder..in this life..what will i say upon the end of this life.
life is indeed one of the most precious things...i guess im willing to trade for anything for a thing that really craves a deep mark in this life.

another day down.

well..it was another nothing but hang out with ur buddy day.
i could easily enjoy every min of it if only there is nothing like 'i must get a job' hanging at the back of my mind.

im so...touched and feel so loved when daddy understands everything.i really loves him alot..of coz i love my parents equally.just that when you have a good daddy,you wanna move abit more to his side.

just pray that i gets a job fast.
yawns..

kinda cant wait to see Jason tml,though it's his brother's present that we are shopping for.

my eyes are closing,but he has not msg yet....

tick tock tick tock tick tock..*shop close*

im bounced back to Square One

there is nothing more disappointing when there is something that you are so close to getting but slipped and gave away.

im talking about my job interview at Delfi Orchard.
the whole interview could have been a joke,man.
seriously deflating..yes,i feel like a puncture tire now. :(

first...i really think all directors have time mgmt problems.so what you are director?you cant like arrange this time for interview and come in later,or postpone the time.
this is what happen to me TWICE.
that Barang Barang director was late.
and this silly china director is worse.they slot the time at 10.30am,i woke early,reached early enough to wait at the bus stop to dally some time away.yet received a call at 10am telling me to drop by later at 12.
wtf-ish!

SECOND!!i cant believe that director is a CHINA goat.hey sorry..im not against the chinese.
but seriously..its like written in the code that standard interviews,at least those you are interviewing for a decent full time job,are carry out in ENGLISH!

i was like so ready and almost confident to carry out my prepared speech in ENGLISH,when i am to converse in chinese!
hey..for those who dunno chinese..its not a language whereby you can just easily translate english to chinese.

and imagine it was like a spring test..everything you got in my mind in english..is like wipe off.i cant just say in chinese that fluently like that,without preparation.and suddenly conversing in chinese is really a hard task.

i could almost tell in their eyes that im a good-bye.sigh...i love that location and the way it is a small and growing company..its a nice job where i see the career path and everything!
and now?its all gone!
really damnit.

the impact is gr8,but in a negative way.i had to start over again..but i guess i have no choice.its not a game where i can just quit and move on to the next game machine.
well..just imagine you were to abt finish that villain boss but who knows he did a really low trick and finish you instead,AND you gotta start all over at level one.
really..really....sigh...

but there is one thing i learn from that Barang Barang's director at least...i shouldnt just bow and stop at one bump or challenge i face..just move on and you can achieve greater.
well..at least..i have a reason to earn that dough,and its for my family.

Yng said i was pretty harsh to myself..in a way yes.since young,i always wanna achieve the better so at least my parents are not hopeless.the way my elder bro is,is a major disappointment and heartache.i dun wanna see that sad faces on them already.so even im not the 'best',at least..i try to be among the 'goods'.
there is a reason why im am studying hard..not that i love studying,hell no..i just enjoyed my times with my frens there,but i get the grades for my parents.although its never the top grades i managed to get..i guess there is only so much i can achieve.
not a particularly bright person.
sigh..what the fish am i talking about this here?it wont change even i talk about this a hundredth times,and there is no point self-pitying coz there is no need for that.

anyway went to Zara to buy a top so its decent enough to meet Jason's family on Friday.particularly i dun wanna wear things like tank tops,spaghetti straps and black colours.
so we are stuck in b/w 2 colours.one make me look more girlish,another more ..erm..woman.
we picked e latter.
i hope..erm..he likes it.

ai..whatever.
oh come to think of it..
its been a year since Jason and I first knew each other.haha.still regret why i didnt stall more time when he is wooing me.i think im possessed,man.

;p

another day tomorrow.
so back to square one,i tossed that die.

i have got this song banging in my head right now.

can someone tell me why Janet Jackson's song is playing in my head over and over again.its that Nutty Professor 2 sound track,cant really rem that title but is it ?oh well..something like that.

hey..guess what?Jason's mum invited me to her other son's 18th bday bash on this 18th June.
bday bash...i guess my last one was gr8.i had 3 celebrations in total.one is Nina and co',another one with my dear classmates,and one with him on the actual day.

oh well back to it..i wasnt exactly much excited this time..but guess the adrenaline will be back once im there.
but i would say a bday at the wrong month coz im really like broke,and is waiting for a job to bring me that money.

so pls..Delfi Orchard..dun fail me baby.
kinda look fwd to tml and see how i can hitch that job.
but faring or not is still one thing la..gonna pray sooo hard.


i hate the sun lately.its scorchingly hot.could blind ur eyes if you are just baring urself under the sun.

Grrrrrrl...a really bad weather to go out.

another head loose feel

today was my second interview with Barang Barang(for the PA positon) and it was with thier director.

i wasnt scared at first..but as i was waiting,my nerves start to jump inside.
when i was finally inside,i couldnt have done more stupidly.its like..i didnt really know how to talk and when he introduced himself,i was like..only smiling.i bet that they can tell im super freak out inside.
and when i first started to speak,my throat is like so dry that i sounded like im having some soar throat.
to make up for the bad voice,i had to fake and tell them that i really have bad throat.

but bet deep inside,the director was like.."ya..bad throat~" but he was really nice..coz he had the guy whose sitting next to him,(apparently is the first guy who interview me for this position) to get some drink for me.

and so he answered an overseas call(yea..he's the Barang Barang's director)..and i calmed down inside.

i cant really remember now what the later part of the interview is like.just some more questions and me talking with whatever my brain sends the message.

and when he asked me what question do i wanna ask,his answer to my question is more of sharing of really what entrepreneurs and successful businessmen would talk,rather than answering my question.
but it really enlightened me and i cant help but looked at him with the most impressive manner.

and i think im one the 3 "finalists" they had selected.(oh wow..)
didnt think i stand a high chance but its an interview worth gg.esp with the director's last enlightenment.
and i hope this help with my Tuesday interview,yet with another director.coz that is the job i want.
(i wonder why are e directors so free now..)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
now...i wonder how do you train ur guy to become a potential SNAG aka Sensitive New Age Guy?

i dunno man...sometimes i think boyfriends do have the tendancy to slip into the comfort of being in a relationship with you for sometime,and sometimes take things for granted.

ok lemme put this right.Jason is indeed a nice bf,but he too is no connection with what Yng and I classified under the DoDo Bird population.(that's my view)

DoDo Birds are extinct species,and so boyfriends that belong to that classification are of coz rare.

Description:
Sweet..and very sweet.Sensitive but not overly sensitive.Mature yet adorably childish.also means know how to play the kinda right role at the right time.never forgets to plant simple sweet thoughts every now and then,AND translate them to actions.
and i dun mean they have to do something great or expensive.just simple sweet lil things in life that plant smile to your face.
Always feel so secure and comfortable to be with,and hardly..and really hardly makes you upset with the stupid things guys do.

one very sweet example is Andy.Yvonne's bf.why she lucky chick.

true,like Yng said,Dodo birds not perfect too.and the only reason that they seem so perfect is becoz their gf completely accept their shortcomings and all.well..it always take 2 hands to clap.

and..what i really wanna tell Jason off are e following few things.

1.
I hope he can blardy hell kick the habit of being late.he is like forever late for most dates and im always waiting.
i dunno..true is i reached early most of the times,but isnt it just something guys should NEVER forget to do that they should get outta their house earlier and reach slightly early before the agreed time to meet?(and let alone being late!)
i always try to tolerate the times i have to wait for him,but for once..just for once dear..cant you try to be early and let this be a habit?
i really DUN like to wait,especially for guys.

2.
I dun NEED fancy restaurants and all the things that comes big in numerical figures.
yes..i understand how you feel inside,and how much you wanted to get the good things for me.
but..again..im not born pampered or rich.i am not born dining in those restaurants and not born drinking coffee and tea at cafes.im not born sleep in the soft mattress and not born slashing the cards at the stores.
that really means i dun need to have all those all the time.
Jason is like..getting so ambitious these days..and i dunno if he will really understand how insecure i do feel when i fear he is addicted to working for money at the expenses of OUR time.

it can be so simple like...once a while..pop me a small bear i like..or even things like Winnie the Pooh tissues(for my own collection;) ) or slipping what..small secret notes or what in my wallet or bag?you know..the VERY lil things in life is what most gals fancy,right??

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

we had MY lunch at the Great World City's Food Junction this afternoon.
he moved in before me,and i was like..telling him off.saying in any cases,he should like sit AFTER me?(this is the basic of the gentlemen codes,yea?)
and we sat down...he just flipped his newpapers and told me to get what i want.
i was like *_*!
sigh...its not that i expect him to pay for my meals la..but you know..once in a while..its really very nice for ur bf to ask what would you like and gets it for you, OR just simply he accompany you to get your food even if he is not eating.
my mood really flipped!

happy families monopolized the food court.2 perfect families with kids sat on the next two tables beside ours.
and the father next to my table would perhaps be one of the Dodo birds too.(well..at least from what i had observed)
such a nice father AND husband.
he went to get dessert for his kids and came back.and he ASKED his wife again,"Darling,you want anything?"

and there i snapped Jason with this sentence,"such a perfect husband and daddy,where to find?" and we got off.

now this obviously makes him upset but too,i was not happy with how he kinda really takes things for granted bit by bit lately.
sometimes..gals just need to be pamper with lil love actions like that!(right,ladies?)

but while we both kept quiet and took the bus...i was like.."oh shit..i have done it again."
deep inside i know i must have been like...too demanding too.perhaps Jason would find me too demanding these days.so inside me was like a debate on "Mine Rights and My Wrongs"

when we reached home(my home)..thank god we were alright again.was melted with his hugs and apologies though i have said nothing.
so we spend a lil time in my house to cool down from the atrocious poisonous heat outside.i like it when we did housework together~ :D
then i lazed on the bed for a while after he is gone(of coz after i had bath la.)my head feels loose nowadays.

oh...i finally gave him that watch.yes..i did not wait till our 11th month anniversary.but..it kinda meets that <3 Dates From Now>
i would say the kinda shock and totally touch look on his face looks ugly.haha.
i know he wanted a watch and its been in my plan since like dunno when,that i wanted to get a couple watch for our 1 year.
but it wasnt quite a couple watch..well it isnt our 1 year too.
think i have got better things in mind now.

but hey...now..i just pray i makes no hiccups for that Tuesday interview AND~i would score that job.
pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls.

under the SUN ;p

"Haha ok ok sorry ah.under the sun?shouldnt it be under the weather my dear?"
--Daren bro's sms.

man..am i prone to making this sort of mistakes to often make myself "malu"?
under the sun?what am i thinking about?

but todays weather is ATROCIOUS.the sun could literally melt you like ice cubes in the desert.
and yes..for this entire week,i have been like under the WEATHER.
especially when i have been eating like im some starve refugees.

had one from breadtalk...and to satisfied the pangs,i get another ,which is totally "oh my god~"
inside the soft bread is the ferrero rocher filling..it really brings me up to heaven whenever i have a bite.
but really..after that,i felt quite sick in the stomach.maybe i ate too much.

god..gotta watch it from tomorrow onwards.dun wanna make it back on graduation day and hear comments from my friends saying,"hey...you look bigger" etc.that would make me jump.

guess what?Delfi Orchard called me in for a second interview with the Director today.i was like erm...yea,excited but really excited~

i mean..if im applying for a position like PA,its totally understandable if they called me in for a second interview with e directors.(like Barang Barang did. oh..im gg for that tml.just check it up~)

but a position like cust svr cum admin,you need a second interview with the director?hmph..they totally got me there.
but to conclude..i DID ace that interview yesterday.hehe..not shy to say this time round.
but just hope i wont mess it the second time.
*pray pray*
beside i think im keen to be there working at Delfi Orchard,depsite at the expenses of my weekends.

so..lets finalize my efforts so far...
send a couple of resumes since the start of June.and its like the 2nd week of June now..went for a total of 5 interviews?got rejected by one.(that Bt Panjang student care teachers.think its the location prob),i reject one..no two. got 2 more second interviews to go.
hmm...think it wasnt that bad huh?
no..im not letting my head swells..just been thinking have i worked hard enough or not.

besides...i dun have any experience with what..the second interviews thingy,so actually..im kinda freak up deep inside.
esp for the Delfi Orchard one,taking place this Tuesday,coz i think i want that job.

oh..which btw reminds me to thank someone.hey Yng,(pretty pre pret)thanks for the loan of ur "scented" blazer.will return by Tuesday or maybe later when i have dry clean it.
love ya~*muacks*

and yes..to Daren Bro,who has always been so damn sweet and encouraging.you are one lucky pie that any gal would be lucky to have.

my marathon internet cum sms buddy,Beswei aka Zhiwei.though im sure you will never get to read this blog,but why not..since im so thankful to everyone now.you have been one encouraging cum complainsive(if there is such word) of NS,pal.
your sms every now and then just makes me smile.

nonetheless to my family..who is the reason im working so hard for.(even though i really dun feel like stepping out to work ;p)

to all my friends out there..be it working now or not.you guys just been one of a kind.

and i gave my credits to the last person here..the sweet but never the sweetest,irritating but amazingly im still taking it,ambitious and smart but never ace his studies(lol) since poly,lousy sense of humor but always caught me there,and so many more.
you are one unlucky nut to get me.
watch your next step,Jason.im gonna blow ur mind.(and really..you wont take this as an intriguing comment huh?)
Lol.
thank you baby~i own the most to u.
where would i be without you being my street directory,and bringing me to interviews.

somewhat a long day....

i spend entirely the whole day with Yng today,and should i say its been a gr8 day...till Junhan calls. :(

anyway kick start the day by going to her house before she gets ready.man..had the TRIPLE chocolate icecream plus Orea cookies throw in,POWERFUL!(of coz the no of calories is indeed powerful)
say..never underestimate the power of REAL chocolates on women.i really think there is some kinda magic power in chocolates that can really cheer up a woman's day.
no kidding,guys.

so we walked ard Orchard before i went for the interview. saw several pink shirts at Zara and REALLY wanna snap a few. Amen~
but i really wanna have few decent pink plus other colours shirts.i mean...i always black and white...and im really think i have a colour crisis.
so to improve my life or so,i think its mean time i snap a few colours in my wardrode.
so does that make a very good reason(excuse),Jason?

next to the interview..man..i dunno why they need 2 men to interview a cust svr cum admin position man.i was like..kinda "okay~" when i saw 2 guys are gonna interview me.
but to be fair...i think i put up a pretty a-o-k performance today.
but to get the position or not is totally up to them.i have done pretty fine on my part,so~i would say.."Alea Jecta Est"

after the whole interview..we just walked ard..talk alot..and me witnessing signs of "im sooooooo in love with Simon" from Yng every now and then.

now i hope Simon keeps this kinda attitude up and this signs cont' on.
you know what that really makes me go "aww~~" for simon?

Yng told me that Simon's mum asked him once if yng and simon are just like puppy loving,and Simon,being a guy who wasnt really close with his family,told his mum that he really likes Yng.

oh my god..i mean..how sweet can this be,for a guy who wasnt the kinda mummy boy or close with the family..yet is so firm and honest with his feelings.

it really makes me feel...i dunno?underpaid?its like...i dun think Jason REALLY ever like..tells his mum about me lo.i dunno what's up man.

its really not the thing that i CANT WAIT to meet his folks..but at least..you gimme a ..what..shone of light or things like that la.
i dunno..it really irks me to the core whenever i think of his family,him and me..bloody hell..better not think abt it for now.

and yes..my dear tuition boy called me finally.guess what?he bombed me with his bad results and spolit my whole day like...like..i dunno..a bad topping over ur salad or so.
pardon me for the lack of adjectives or what to describe.i think my mind is not functioning very well at the end of the day.

sigh~
i have alot more to say....let's see im gonna be back to blog further..coz i wanna watch my show now.

to be cont'd

the insane world of mine

these few days i have been feeling like craps.and yet to recover.
poor ol' Jason suffers alongside with me,i mean...he is really suffering from my attitude and when i decided to turn mute.

i really have no idea if every graduates would feel as lost and confuse as i am.
you see..All of my life,im torn between who i WANNA be,who i AM,and who i MUST be.

like most of those livings out there,i wanna be unrestricted,do whatever i want and really live up my dream.
unfortunately it kinda contradicts with who i must be.
coz i feel very indebted to my parents and feel responsible for ,at least, being independent on my own.
so as much as i dun like it,i have to force myself outta that comfort zone and face the world on my own.
but who i am is totally a different thing altogether.

i see myself as a very...complicated person.i almost can see that there is 2 kind of persons functioning in me.(no..im not talking about those split personalities thing)
ok lets put it this way...

the one who is often talking to her friends,nice,sweet,never shows her temper to her friends,(not that im a hypocrite,but i really likes my friends) and can stand on my own is called Ling.

yet the one deep inside me...is like a young kiddo...who refuse to come in contact with her true feelings and feels threatened when being expose.she is one the one that cant talk and express what she wants,infact not knowing what she wants either.and that's Mich.

i know all these may sound a lil crazy to you folks,but really...that is how i really live my 19(getting 20) years of life.

Ling is the one that no one has to worry for her..at least not the one that her parents have to worry about.but when Ling breaks down...its where Mich comes to contact to the outside.

seriously Mich is well..how should i say.."programmed" to live like a normal person,despite how she really feels inside..coz she doesnt want her parents to worry esp,and let others know.

Jason has know too much of me..he has seen both Ling and Mich,and knows how the one inside me is.
a real coward and drawn back gal.

i really know how crazy these sounds,makes me like a lunatic.
i wish i know how to go about dealing it myself too.

Jason..i guess we shall stop meeting for this week.i need sometime for myself to sort out the screws in my head.
i just wish..whatever decisions i have come to make,you will support me.

love,
Ling

my ConFessIons

infact..its drizzling right now.just saw the rain.why must it always rain on the wrong day or time.

i had a weird dream yesterday,like i always do.i try not to mention many of those coz i think its not v nice for Jason to read it,or simply i cant rem.
in one of my weird dreams last night(you always have a few dreams in one night,yea?) i dreamt some of my friends including Jason is going to France.

i dunno..its more like they are going to army,but in the dream they are going to France.so in a weird airport,i send them off.
there were some other guys i didnt know that did not go.so one of them follow me home,erm..more like we are boarding the same bus home.

now that guy kinda resembles Charles in my sec sch,but more good looking.but i think he is Charles.
then i was lamenting that i cant even think of spending 3 months without Jason by my side(that's the duration of the France trip),how can Yng stand the 3 years that Simon gotta spend in NS?

just speaking of Yng,man...like i've said..she is really so damn-simony now.i wonder if i will ever feel the same as her,being so sickly in love.and i mean SOOOOOO sickly in love.

i dunno how in love Jason is,but i hope it's never till the extend whereby you cant live without the other party.
one thing about Jason is i realised he is the kind that falls in love easily.
im not saying he's the loony kind,but i think that it doesnt take much for him to feel that he likes that gal.(just like me)
and once he feels that he is really into that gal,it will take him a long time if you were to take him outta love.

unlike me...i dun fall in love easily.yes..im easily attracted to cute guys and so,but i dun fall in love that easily.and usually its those kinda instance connection i see in that guy that makes me really fall in love with him.
maybe you call that 'love at first sight',but im a that plus a lil bit more.
and it will then take me a damn long time to make me get over it.

towards Jason...its obviously not e instance connection that im talking about,and he knows it.
i dunno why i agree to be his gal then,but its kinda too late to ask myself after being together for 10 months and a lil longer huh?

sometimes im really happy when im with him,and sometimes he makes me really upset.and sometimes i really think im in love with him,but sometimes i think i need more time to answer to that question.

*sigh* -_-'

so what im trying to say is that...if things never come our way..life still goes on yea?

and im damn stupid to say that to Jason,and sometime after ask why izzit that Jason wont bring me to see his family and so on.
stupid Mich.

think its time for my sis to take over the counsel hat and consults to me.

here n there,im back again.

i dunno how many times i can blog in a day,man?talking about no life.

ok..lets back track a lil.
went for the student care teacher interview at Bishan.
well..i felt like im consulting a doc in the so called office.i was sitting in those kinda position whereby you are like seeing a doc.
so i had a old doctor seeing to me,with a young nurse besides him.

they look kinda promising though,and i think the chances of hitching that job is really easy.i mean high.
further drawback...oh mine..they have really low pay.say about $1k per month??how am i gonna survive with that kinda money on my own,let alone giving allowances back to my parents?
and i dun even think im gonna learn much there.its like being a nanny to 60 over kids.
not that i dun like kids..but i dun even get to teach.
they told me that they dun teach but merely supervise on their homeworks and stuff.
no wonder they only pay $1k.
but the good thing is i see they are kinda easy pple to get along with,so long if you have good working attitude.
i'd say that is the fundamentals that you must have to survive.
and its really near me.i can still carry on teaching tuition if i want extra income.
back up one.(provided that i really snapped that job)

this weird company called me before i went to the interview.(and gotten lost in the esates)
they are calling for Biz Service Consultants but this guy went on to talk like he's rushing for lunch or toilet.and i was left with extreme question marks,not even getting the full address.
oh yea..he's called Charlie.(Good morning,Charlie~)duh,what an old fashioned name.i didnt think pple are called Charlie anymore,unless...well..their parents did that to him,or i reckon he just really wanna get close to the angels. (lame~)

he called again to ask if there are decent friends that are looking for full time jobs and i could recommend.
i offered Yvonne and Yin immediately,coz they are the 2 that i know of looking for job.Yng is..erm..still in her Simony state.

but the more i think of that...the more suspicious i get.
its..kinda WEIRD!like...i dunno,just have some uneasy feeling.
nevertheless gotta check that up tml.and...must i wear formal?feel very irritated when i have to wear that.
but if im not wrong,that should be a corporate area as well.
ok..how does a black spaghetti top with black skirt and flat shoes sounds?
(oh..Jason,dun think of any other black skirt.its that same old semi long flowy one.i dun think im ever gonna wear skirts in my life.be lucky that i still wear dress.i hate walking ard with legs bare)

i know its not very formal,and its all black?haiz ya..who cares la.

i see how Ms Crayon describe north sydney's library as beautiful.and Yvonne told me that the newly open Jurong library is a cheat.lol.she is such a library gal,and i guess that must have mean there is nothing in there.
and...seriously,i cant recall any library in Singapore that i can call beautiful.

oh...to my dear Yng.it doesnt hurt if you could drop a comment or two after reading my daily blogS.
dun be like Jason..who reads FOC everyday and never drops any words.
i would say to that boy...BZzzz Off!lol.

i will see you tml,stupid boy.

the scorching sun could have bleed ur skin

im back~
was trapped in the scorching bishan estates while looking for the student care center just now,when its just right infront of me.
stupid me got blk 231 written as 321 and end up walking one big round.
talk about stupid Mich.

my lovely sis aka Yng had finally,ok not finally,but fallen so deep in love with that guy.what i really wanna say here is she finally knows love and the feeling of being really in love with someone.completely accepting someone.

and me?its not fair if i were to say this,and i relaly dun like it now jason is gonna read this.
but this blog has already been a place where the one deep inside me come out to talk.
my intention of dedicating this site to Jason is that he will learn about me as well.
but speaking of e feeling of invasion,Ms Crayon would know it all.

Jason is really sweet to accept such an unlovable chick like me.you know what he msg me?
"i love you becoz you make me wanna stand by u when u r down,pull u up when u r low,let you slap when u like it.(of coz i dun really slap,my real slap would hurt) n i hope you love me becoz i stand by u,held u up and slap(....)
you are not in a difficult transitional stage,trying to find ur place and worth..just hang on n u'll pull thru..once you get a job,everything will be plain sailing."

sigh...i really think i love him..but again i would always question myself what do i know about love?do i really love him as in loving HIM or i love him becoz he is here as my boyfriend?
i dare not say..i really dare not...

heard of Jay Chou ?i really hope that i wont be the one that one day..he has to dedicate the song to.

i dunno what have got into me..again.
what do i want,who do i want?its like suddenly im utterly lost.
i live on as per normal,i still went for job hunting,interviews and so.i still eat and watch the tv.i still smile and laugh when i have to.
suddenly im like..a no life thing being program with all those things so i can live LIKE a normal person.and so i live till it breaks down again,and feel all the shit that im feeling now.

Jason..jason...i would just like to say..should one day,you find me not the one u shld love already...i hope you get a better gal who will treat u right.

and there i will have other pple telling me that im must be outta my mind to say this to my bf,and not we are breaking apart.

oh god~i hope i can stand right back.and forget everything thats behind me...and will love jason as much as he loves me.

"I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time" --TLC.

a really blah blah blah tuesday..

firstly,thanks Vadergrrl for her comment for dropping by a greeting and thinking my site is gr8.honestly,im flattered.
you know what,Vadergrrl..i have been to ur blogsite before.and i love that mix of Zena warrior, Juliette Lewis and Vampirella inspired looks of urs.
sounds really intriguing and dangerous.lol.

Yng and her dear guy made up again.sigh..well,not that im not happy about it.infact i am.
just that i havent stop feeling lousy.

Jason has been a gr8 boyfriend for most of the times.but i dunno what is up with me sometimes.its like...my gut is telling me,"you 2 make gr8 couple for now,but never for long all becoz of you."

sigh..i really dun want him to read this but this site has been dedicated to him right from the start.and its not fair when he doesnt know what is happening.

i mean..i dunno about how you guys think.but sometimes those kinda gut feelings or maybe what you called women intuition speaks alot.

my guts tell me that indeed jason is gonna make it big one day,but long before it told me that jason and i are not possible to last forever.
dun question me,its just like that.

sometimes i feel..im the kinda thats really better off single.i always hurt the ones that fell for me,and yet i never get the ones i fallen for.

i rem' my friends used to ask me why i always think about the bad part even when i have a bf now?dun i wish lasting with my bf?
well..how do i explain?
i do...but really..i dun think im the one for him as now and always.

i told you im sick.
this would make jason so insecure having me as his gf.
maybe its those kinda time again.every once or twice a month,i would feel this way.and it makes me realise that...well..just realise all what i have typed just now.

Period!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

my future is in my own hands.lets see.
im going down to try another student care teacher at Bishan later.
im going down to Delfi Orchard for the cust svr and admin interview on Thursday,5pm.
and im waiting for Jones Lang Laselle to call me in for the HR intern.

what do i want?
if i want to just work in the society,i probably start at the admin level,and drill on this aspect.
drawback?how far can you go?and your life would be stuck there and always.
plus pt:well..at least its simple job earning decent money.and that Delfi Orchard is in town,except ur weekends are burn~

if i want to work with the kids,i would keep trying for student care teachers.and maybe apply for NIE next year.
drawback?and teacher is all you can be for the rest of your life and its no adding value to ur resume,unless you really go for NIE.
plus pt:maybe facing kids are better than adults.

IF Laselle call me in for HR intern.i probably learn alot in HR area.
drawback?i dun like HR,though that is what i studied.and that is only an intern job.
plus pt:you will learn in HR area and thats gr8 value add to ur resume.


everything i wouldnt have much choice.

on the low down

i dunno what really makes me feel so low man.
sigh..my morale and mood hits the bottom and i feel really sick of myself suddenly.

i guess it all began from the lousy conversations Jason and i had in the morning.all about my stereotyped life and not being able to do what i want in my life.
but really...i blame noone.

i guess im a negative film in my last life.i could easily encourage pple to be positive and love life,but seriously i dun practice what i preach.(like who does?)

its not that im really that pessimistic,but i just allow too much realities slash in my life.and often this kinda reality concept makes me a quite a negative Mich sometimes.

i dunno...the main thing is i really dislike the country that im born in.
for others that do not have a single idea how life in Singapore can be,lemme brief you a thang or two.

For those that were born..say the 1970s onwards,your life will be stereotyped(and notice how many times i will use the wrd stereotype) into those "study,work,study,work,work,study,work,work,work,work,die"
no kidding.this is what most of us are doing.

the kids here are less innocent if you were to compare to those born and raise in the countrysides or simply rural.
and each generation after the other knows more and more than the previous.

just for instance when i was 12,i probably still have no idea that there is a thing that i can do what i can do now called computer.a thing that i can use to sms or talk call handphone.
and even if i know the existence,i probably never have one till im much much older.
now?kids as young as 10 plus (and the record is getting younger)carries handphones,and i seriously wonder why they need it?

back to what im saying.when we were young, we are implanted with those concepts whereby you need to excel in studies to get a good place in work.you need to study very hard and outwins your classmates to prove you are the best,and your parents would be happy.

and we carry on to study till we are 20 odd before we goes to work.
in the work place,the same rule goes.
you need to outfight others to get the higher and higher.you need to push ur way up to the top to enjoy life.coz without the money,you cant really survive here in singapore.
the standard of living is high and everything costs.to solve,you need the moo lah to keep moving.
of coz you dun stop studying when you are working.if you have got the calibre,you probably still need to upgrade yourself by taking up studies courses. thats the only way to prevent chances of obsolete and taken over by the new blood who have got higher education than you.

ok finally you have a family.you still need to slog for your house loan,your family and his/her family,and your OWN family,and many other miscellaneous expenses.needless to say..when you have got children,the bills just keep climbing.(not your income)
and Singapore govt wonders on the birth rate and aging population.

and by the time you reach 50,your children are still studying.(thats the avg cases)so..cont'd slogging till your boss get rid of u,or offer the 'golden handshake'

if you are lucky,everything would rest and you would be able to enjoy ur golden years by 55 onwards.but if you are not like most singaporeans,hey..happy slogging.there will always be positions for cleaners.
and there...if you live up to 60.congrats if you can enjoy ur remaining days,if not..well..too bad.

i wonder if its the same with elsewhere,but this kinda life FREAKS me to hell.

i really dun wanna end up like this.i wanna see and enjoy the world while im still young,not when my skin is wrinkling up and probably i cant see that much either.

Jason shares with me his idol Thierry Henry's theory."holidays comes after career."
respectable~

want some reality bites?*munch munch*
Thierry Henry - France's most wanted.
come on,tell me what is his career?one that earns him millions and millions game after game.
and footballers doesnt kick all their life,for i know..they have an age limit.

can you earn that in singapore?on avg,we only earn about thousands per month,before CPF deductions.and with our standard of living,we are lucky if we can dine in prestige cafes once a month or so.

pple like Beckham dont live in their palace like house for nothing?
to those earning those kinda money,of coz holidays come after careers.for there will be only a limited time that they can earn.and they will still be mighty young when they get outta that field and enjoy life (with that $$$$) with their loved ones.

god..can you gimme a better example next time?

ANYWAY!!there is really no damn use of me complaining that much either.this is my life,my fate and luck that im in this miserable robotic singapore.
yes,i count my blessings that there are worst countries ard though.
i still have to hunt down the jobs,makes the calls,emails the resumes,go down for the interviews and so on.
even if i can wait..my conscience would stop me from waiting coz the responsiblity of making that dough is now lying on my shoulders.

god bless!
sigh.....am i really only 20??

Concede to Fate but not to DefeaT

Shame to say but i quote this from a female character on the tv series.
well that lady in the series played a very tough life gal.she has been to the lowest since her birth.but she never once concede defeat to her fate.
at her preserverance help her and others to pull through alot of tough circumstances in life that one would thought it is impossible to overcome.

and really...i thought she was really inspiring,even though its just a show.

if only i have that much determination and strength in myself,that i wouldnt be sighing so much.

well..do you think such strength is born in a person or everyone can do the same as well?
you know..some pple are born leaders,some born followers,some born facilitators and so on.

maybe i can learn....learn to be that fierce strong independent gal,who may concede to her fate but never to defeat.
well..maybe.

to kick things off..i pray for a good weather tomorrow and embarks my journey.

peace and love to all~

cheerios :~

all the quizzes at one go

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.


What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

yea right///
******************************************************************


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yea yea right//////
************************************************************************

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
________________________________________________________________________


SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious,
fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would
destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by
the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene
is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite
Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the
Lycans extinct.
Ever wish you could be a
vampire?






Which UNDERWORLD character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


argh...im damn bored!and without lil bro for the next 5 days and so..im damned bored!!!!!!
*pulling my hair out*